What the Heck Were They Thinking?!
What the heck were they thinking?
We’ve all been there right? You buy a used car or older home and before you know it you are finding duct tape holding things together, or carpet over hardwood floors.
This week I’ve been helping my mom with her new-to-her home. It is an adorable home that used to be the vacation home of an older couple. Needless to say we’ve been bleaching, dusting, pulling up carpet and often wondering what the heck the previous home owners were thinking.
Who puts faux woodgrain contact paper over glass doors?
It’s been an excellent opportunity to practice compassion and trust. Specifically trusting that I can’t understand the circumstances or thought process behind someone else’s decision. I don’t know their background, needs, income situation, etc.
Who am I to think that I know what’s better for someone else’s life?
I mean, do I even have my own life together enough to believe I can run someone else’s too? And if their decisions didn’t affect anyone else, but them, then why does it even matter?
I think this last sentence is key. If someone’s decision has zero impact on anyone else but them, why do we feel the need to intervene or judge? I’m not talking about people that may get hurt or cause themselves harm.
Sometimes I think we do this to feel like we are better than someone else. Like a way to make us feel better about who we are or our own decisions.
“Yeah John, keep telling us what Simon Biles should have done in her routine while you still can’t make it to the gym consistently for a week. I hope you feel better about your physical fitness while thinking you know what a world class gymnast needs to do in order to win gold.”
“Yeah Karen, keep making fun of the trend setter in the gold lame’ tights and red body suit while you wear the same outfit you’ve had since Dress Barn had that 2 for one sale in Fall 2006.”
My point is, these are habits we’ve created out of some deep need within us to feel better about our own situations, to feel better about our own decisions.
But what if instead of thinking we knew better than someone else, we tried to come from a place of curiosity? What if we allowed ourselves to get curious about someone’s decision that was different than ours would have been instead of assuming we know more? How would that conversation playout in your head?
For me, it creates a more positive, compassionate approach which, ironically, is the best approach in my opinion ;)
So while I don't agree with faux wood grain contact paper, it was a decision that did not involve me and I cannot begin to think of all the reasons they came to that decision. Why waste energy on judging them? Instead I'll remove it and help my mom make upgrades that I'm sure will leave the next owner saying, "What they heck were they thinking?!"