Why disappointing people can be a good thing...

Hi friends!

Last week I talked about creating an alter ego to help you become the person you want to be, but have you ever felt pressured to be someone you are not?

I’m finally learning that the times my anxiety flares and I don’t feel like I’m living in flow is when I perceive someone is unhappy with me. I say perceive because my brain automatically assumes I did something wrong, regardless of the actual facts or situation. I replay the scenario over and over and come up with ways I could have done better, learned more, said something or taught something differently, etc.

Why do we do this?
Why do we feel like we have to be everything to everyone?

What if we felt so confident about who we were and what we offer to the world that we were focused on expanding on those traits instead of worrying about the ones we don’t have?

From an early age I was taught to identify your weaknesses and work on strengthening them. Then as I got older, the trend shifted to focus on your strengths, work in that area as that’s where you’ll do your best. So I suppose my mind tries to focus on both of these concepts simultaneously. Focusing my efforts on the things I love and feel like I’m pretty good at, but feeling guilty when I can’t help someone outside my set of strengths.

But you know what, I don’t show up at my Naturopath expecting her to also be my dentist. Or show up at my chiropractor and expect them to also do my eye exam.

Why? Because that’s not where they chose to focus their energy. They aren’t going to be good at it, that’s not where their passion, background, experiences or training lays. Do I want a mediocre chiropractor that can do all the things or one that is solid in their skillset?

So how can we apply this to everyday life?

First, in order to be ok with not being the best at everything, we need to release the expectation of others to be everything to us. Change starts with our own expectations and mindset shift.

Second, what if we felt so confident in what we do that we could more easily say, “you know, that’s a great suggestion, but I’m really focusing my energy on xyz so I’m going to give you the name of someone that would be a better fit.” Without feeling guilty or “less than” about it? Bonus is that this not only helps the person even more than you could, but you also get to help the person you are referring them to!

For instance, in the yoga world, I’m not going to expect my Ashtanga yoga teacher to do an amazing restorative yoga class. Sure, maybe they can teach one well enough, but why would I expect it from them when I could easily find a teacher who was passionate and has the training and experience in restorative and therefore are likely a better fit for my needs?

In the dance world we can see this in teachers as well. For instance, I’ve never been pregnant. Why should I feel guilty for not offering pre-natal dance classes? I shouldn’t. If someone wants a pre-natal class I can point them in the right direction, but should not feel pressured, either by myself or others, to offer one.

Are we watering down our strengths for the sake of pleasing others? If you are busy trying to be ALL the things to everyone then the world is likely missing out on something only you can offer. Your unique, added value. Not only that, but you are taking away someone else’s opportunities to showcase their strengths. We’re not helping anyone that way.

So this week what can you let go of in order to focus more on what you love?

How can you be more authentically you and stop watering the YOU that this world needs?

These are questions I'm also asking myself so I'd love to hear your story.

Have a great week and remember....